I grew up in a family that never talked about personal feelings. It left me feeling as if I was an object. After hitting emotional walls and going through darkness I learned I was a spiritual being. Since then (age 25) I’ve been discovering my spiritual nature and attracting spiritual experiences.

After all the years I’m still unsure where men are coming from. Are they interested in relationship and sharing spiritual intimacy or are they stuck in the red zone of sexual intimacy? Women are not objects to be toyed with (as happens with Stalker/Hacker shenanigans). Men are not objects to be used for security (as happens when women are insecure).

This comes up to be written because Hacker is in town and harassing me by blocking my online communication systems. I speak of it. I call him on it. He can’t sneak around hidden like a tracker of animal tracks. I Am more than animal. I am more than an object.

May 2022 be a space where men and women find the fortitude to shift gears into new expression and thus expansion of relationship. May our rainbow colors shine in round arcs. May the wobble subside. How does that happen? By talking honestly about honest feelings. Our Lungs of Heart play a role in this shift.

Lung definition:

1. each of the pair of organs situated within the rib cage, consisting of elastic sacs with branching passages into which air is drawn, so that oxygen can pass into the blood and carbon dioxide be removed. Lungs are characteristic of vertebrates other than fish, though similar structures are present in some other animal groups.
   • an open space in a town or city, where people can breathe fresher air.”the city had to be given lungs, in the shape of open spaces, squares, parks, and gardens”

Lungs purify, Heart feels, Throat speaks and the whole body communicates new language. The Word in words of color.

“Gears” are on my mind. Gears are my mind! What larger gear moves them? Could I write a poem about that? My poetry writing gear is rusty from the lack of use though I am now enjoying reading poetry to an audience. A new gear!

Another day off from work due to this second family being sick. They are sick a lot as if it’s a common gear for them to go the doctor. My paycheck is affected by so much time off which means less funds go into savings. Paycheck to paycheck are gears that keep my household afloat. No complaints. I love my jobs as I love time off. The movement of gears and lack of has consequences—which I observe.

I posted a video of otters playing in the snow. Yesterday my nanny kids were at the park sliding down the slide, flying into the air, landing and sliding in snow like those otters. Similar gears in motion! Childlike gears are free moving gears of fun!

Yesterday morning I was looking for a meditation without words. Some gear in my brain-body wanted to move differently. Last night I was happily surprised that the Zoom meditation had a lot of…silence. My gears purred!

I’m no longer drained by being with people. In fact I’m seeking people and asking for their time. This is another new gear! People add to my happiness! Those people that drain me either leave on their own or I leave them. Or I change the timing of gear engagements. Breathing room between engagements keeps me in equilibrium. Some relationships have more of this space than others. It’s like an orchestra expressing diverse sound or a garden filled with seasonal expressions.

Emotionally creative high gears turn into emotionally co-creative low gears. A recent creative process (with gears that move!) dug up “dirt” from past relationships with men. (“the higher I fly, the lower I dive”) I wondered where these “human” emotions were coming from. They seemed so foreign and yet they had impact pulling me down with face in the mud! (Visual: Did I just fall off a bike?) I didn’t scold or shame myself out of the mud. I felt the insecure feelings associated with the insecure thoughts. And in short turn-around timing I shifted gears by expressing my true sunny nature! Actually I, ego I, didn’t do the shifting. Some over riding gear moved the whole system and my muddy self with it!

Reminds me of parking on top of the snowy hill yesterday and walking into work. As I walked on snow the song Let It Snow (“the weather outside is frightful…”) started to sing me. That same over riding gear moved me!

I welcome this turning of creative gears and don’t mind getting muddy on occasion. It’s part of the creative process called evolution, called enlightenment. We are conscious because our Head Light is on in all weather patterns (water, air, earth, fire) and their seasons of creative expression. The more gears the more expression!

Gears of God and Goddess. Gears of creator, creativity and creation. It’s why we’re here with Gaia at a personal level. It’s why we’re engaged as One, heart to heart.

Fire needs water, air, earth to be balanced. Without that full circle I wobble. I look at my life (inner and outer) to see where to make adjustments so I don’t wobble.

From my book S/He Dragon:

Violet moves the spectrum red 
Green the bridging heart 

I tried to meditate but my brain doesn’t want words so I’m looking for music. Words and music engage different gears. And why I’m starting to read poetry which is more spacious—and another gear.

Heat of passion is a wild ride. I hang on as heart and lungs get a workout breathing together in accord. Telepathic cardio! Breathing fire of Fire Dragon. (Lungs as chakra) Reminds me of spacecraft power and maneuverability as experienced in some of my flying dreams. So much to experience and learn. Who wants to read about it or hear about it? I prefer to experience and learn first hand. Tantra comes to mind and Eros. This dance is not for ego’s personal pleasure but for the liberation of New Earth. The cosmic web is jolted with charge.

Whew! Where to begin telling that story? I’ll start at the ending immersed in sonar waves. Now I have to look for the definition. My definition is rapture and to give it context it is Rapture of New Earth.

In Sonar, we use (1) ultrasonic waves (2) infrasonic waves (3) radio waves (4) audible sound waves

 (1) ultrasonic waves.

“SONAR stands for sound navigation ranging. It is defined as the technique used for determining the distance and direction of underwater objects with the help of sound waves. This technique is used by animals such as bats and whales.

• A common use of ultrasound is in SONAR. Ultrasonic waves are used in SONAR instead of audible sound waves.
• SONAR uses ultrasonic waves i.e. sounds having frequency greater than 20,000 Hz.
• The ultraviolet radiations are not scattered or deviated much.”

How did I get there/here? Definitely with the right partner. I’m going to share a story I wrote about Goddess many years ago. My partner back then was myself and Nature—Goddess was teaching me about my Goddess Self. Now the explorations have to do with the surface of Earth, the depth and terrain of inner Earth and our Extraterrestrials also exploring Earth’s landscapes. What’s the purpose? To keep Goddess charged: living and breathing! “Contact” at all levels/degrees/hues is creative when the participants hold higher intention. This generation from Goddess Earth charges the whole—yes, Holy.

Looking for my Goddess story to share I find this in Chapter 8 of S/He Dragon: “During ovulation, my skin hungers to touch and be touched. How natural, then, to relate to trees—the skin of the earth. Trees and skin absorb and transmit light energy to maintain healthy equilibrium. Trees protect Mother Earth; skin protects my earth. Trees and skin are communicators of love.”

This. Chapter 15: “Telepathy is the energetic transfer of touch, ideas, thoughts, emotions, feelings and sound. A telepathic connection is the energy bond that connects two or more minds into the same wave length to utilize telepathy. We broadcast emotions, moods, thoughts, attitudes, fragments of our personality unknowingly every day. Everything that emits energy also absorbs energy….” www.outofbodyecstacy.com

This. Ovulation. As an elder ovulation is no longer a monthly rhythm of intensity. Now something more subtle moves that has to do with more than me and this one body.

This. Chapter 12:

Light of Fertility Moon

“Monthly phase of ovulation turns me into a different woman. Like moon, I become aggressive. My skin feels like iron pilings, drawn and raised by a magnet. I wear magnetic fur. Ovaries cramping, discharging, I am on the hunt. Sexual fantasies come alive as I wander land of erotica. Is this a nightmare that frightens? Is this a monster out of control?

No! I am Goddess! I wear golden robes of energetic Light. I embrace this light of fertility and release it with passionate power. I release—earth quaking; I release—water flowing; I release—fire burning; I release—wind spiraling. Earth, water, fire, air, alive and moving through this body.

Magnetism is in my cells, a force of nature. I open to this natural force and let it move me through the terrain of my daily life. I welcome my wild nature and how it enlivens my world, as does moon in her magnetic full force. Knowing magnetic rhythms of earth body, I know wholeness in a holy place. Here is power. Here is grace.”

Now, much later my “body” includes other bodies. We’re a solar and sonar system! Fun to discover this terrain with another Angel-Human and beings from other dimensions. They are also exploring and supporting this New Earth.

GOLOV Meditation 12/26

Song moves me/my feet. Serpent appears. I stand on Earth globe/body. Serpentine lines burrow through underground terrain. Kundalini moving, spreading out from central sun core. Opening portals.

1 Eye + 1 Eye = 1 Eye. All seeing from above. An overview. Two Eyes as One.

People come to mind (Sandra Ingerman, others). I offer them Serpentine blessing.

I know it ! I claim it! Emanating Serpentine rays move out from me—my central sun core. Radiant energy is Serpentine lineage.

I look down on Gaia lines. I look down on my lines. A new over view.

Looking for a poem I wrote years ago and reading old journals this morning. This entry surprised me in that it’s similar to my recent “collision in space.”

December 7, 2002

“Back of head feels a quiver as if my head is split and the back portion charged.

Deep in night I start to spin and hear a cry. I spin faster, earth shakes in upheaval. I spin faster. Pressurized I cannot breathe. Faster, faster. I stay with it as energy evens out fanning into space. Was this a release of pain, grief? Was this an alien space craft breaking through a sound barrier?”

I read about other strange noises and sensations in my head and that my neck and thumbs went through phases of pain and change. Alchemical transmutation has been ongoing since Angel Michael touched me with Light at age 25. Now I’m a Mystical receiver and transmitter — with a co-pilot!! Manifestation happens in the flow of Now. We are guided by the map of lines.

Response to YouTube video: The Healing of Your Life Begins in Your Heart by Dr Joe Dispenza.

How much honesty moves through one’s heart? How much honesty moves through collective hearts? Years ago honesty gave me wings and I learn to fly higher moment by moment. Learning the terrain is a purifying process.

Addiction to an external or externals is an individual and collective health crisis. It’s effect is discord and chaos that has been the norm on planet Earth. How to turn this dis-ease around? The answer is systemic.

Relationships bring out addictive patterns. My relationship with food is in focus for me. Finding balance is the key and there’s lots to swim through in subconscious and unconscious depths. Relationships with men is in focus for me. In the past I put a man before my women friends. Now I choose balance. In the past everything revolved around that man and it didn’t work. After twenty years of being single I’ve learned the value of relationship diversity—with room to breathe!

Can a couple with individual addictive patterns be compatible or will they hit wall after wall? How long does one accept that pattern? Isn’t it easier to leave someone and their addiction than it is to leave oneself? My answer is to work on and sustain inner balance as I respond to incoming signals that guide my path this way or that. Life is a flow of choices and I see them healthy and happy—balanced and grounded honestly.

Creation has mysterious twists and turns that lead us and follow us depending on response which is both radiant (out going) and reflective (in coming).

I want to remember this Christmas GOLOV with the tree lined ridge in the North of mind’s Eye and the space craft nestled below. The circular craft had circular windows and an open door. Two of us (+/-) walked up to the door. Then in Awakening the Alchemist meditation, which was synchronistically gifted to us by Carin, the two of us walked into the craft, the door was shut and away we flew. Definitely a new cycle and Dragon claimed it as S/He !!

2022 is the year of Dragon. I’m looking ahead and planning AFU trips to support this craft in motion. Oh! Ah-Ha! Writing this I just saw the craft’s circular windows light up reminding me of the image I drew that, in turn, reminds me of the chakra system. Do we have an E/W system as well as N/S? Does new green wiring create new ley lines in this New Earth?

My heart expands from Love I receive. My heart contracts from Love I give. Giving the craft momentum.

Creation happens with polarity shift, heart portal opening, expanding gamma. Wow! GOLOV just gave Christmas new meaning.

In the meditation Heart Center: Awakening the Alchemist the area “behind the heart” is, in my experience, the wing chakra. This reminded me of the new heart I experienced recently at the right of my chest. This heart is vividly green. Today I thought of it in association with my left wing and left brain. That means more masculine energy moving that is heart centered. Logic + Intuition = Creation’s creativity. Circular spiral in motion 🌀🌀🌀