12/2. Being knocked out of orbit held unexpected ripples that just now start to subside. Intense! At one point I was my mom in her dark depressed state. Maybe revolving around her electric shock treatment and maybe around her learning about dad’s affair with a neighbor. I release that pain. In this commotion I am aware there are a multitude of forces human and non-mhuman who want relationships to stay the same. It’s their territory. I feel I’ve been knocked around but still intact. Those Star Wars movies live on at the level of drama. I know this creative cycle will move the opposite direction with new insights. It could be crazy-making if I didn’t have Wings and Earth. It’s a sample of what unconscious humanity experiences.
12/3 That collision was torture. The pressurized space, the piercing squeezing noise around me, the grasping for ground that was not there. Not fun! I will continue to get physically fit if I’m to be a Space Warrior. This morning I think of it as a birth canal.
Yesterday in this vortex with its cross currents and cross firing I finally purchased the ISBN for my book. It was a challenge but Turtle and Turtle Island are moving forward. I’ve been thinking that the pressure chamber of what I went through Gaia also went through. I don’t know what that means logically. It’s a sensing.
Remembering: I had two similar dreams the night before this collision. I was in a truck and needed to apply the brakes to avoid hitting the car in front of me. I was semi-paralyzed and it was a struggle to stop the vehicle (brain, foot, ground not in synch) but I did. Twice I went through this intensity. Was I being prepared for the collision? This turmoil was as if all previous turmoils were rolled up into one. An accumulation that burst.